Ed Bahler’s Blog…To Enhance Ministry

Thanks for your patience as I took a break from blogging after my cancer experience. There was a lot to catch up on and so many thoughts to sort through.

One question I’ve been pondering is, “How do you live well?”

After receiving my diagnosis, the question that I wrestled with was, “How do you die well?” If dying from cancer would be my last lesson for my family and friends, then that lesson needed to be a grace-filled one.

I was recently sharing my cancer story with a large group of college students, and I asked them what attributes they thought were necessary for dying well. They quietly pondered the question, then offered these answers:

• Hope
• Faith
• Self control
• Perseverance
• Thankfulness
• Courage
• Grace
• Excitement

Their response gives some great insight. Pondering death has a way of clarifying what’s most important.

At a church planter’s conference in Orlando last week, we were told that in order for us to live well, God would “sift” those who are called to His purpose. He will sift us to develop a useful Christ-like character.

Ironically, the character traits they listed at the conference were very similar to the attributes on the list above from the college students.

Dying well and living well. In the end, there really shouldn’t be a difference.

Ten days ago I shared how God fulfills His promise to show up when we’re in big trouble. That was the first big lesson from my journey with cancer. The second lesson became clear when others showed up as well.

The apostle Paul gave us this promise: For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

I love how Paul says that God will surround us with His love through our most vulnerable times. And I’ve learned that He does, but nothing like I expected.

I thought God might reach down and wrap His arms of love around me. I assumed this was something between me and Him. You know, like your best friend.

But it was so much bigger.

What I discovered was that God’s love showed up through people. Ordinary people like you and me. People who have their own pain but by God’s grace reach past it.

I’ll never forget the friend who offered to cancel his family vacation in Mexico to be at my side. Or those who showed up to quietly sit with Annette during surgery. There were many others who connected regularly until they were sure I was back on my feet. Add to that thousands of Caring Bridge visits and hundreds and hundreds of guest comments, emails, texts, calls, and letters.

As my son Clint said: “Our family is not special or privileged above others, but the efforts and prayers of you all were special. How pleased must God be to see you all supporting us in our time of need.”

As Jesus prayed in Gethsemane, “I pray that they may be one…”

Because of the obedience of others, I felt a oneness. I was one with them, but more importantly, I was one with God. And I am convinced that nothing can separate us because God is love, and His people are as well.

It’s rare to receive a death sentence. It’s even rarer to receive a death sentence and survive. With survival rates in the single digits, people considered my “Pancreatic Cancer” diagnosis last month as nothing less than a death sentence. And I did too.

I’ll never forget that night, driving to each of my kid’s homes to drop that death sentence on them. I knew that as the leader of the family I had to be strong. I had to show faith, hope, love, and courage.

But these Hold Me Jesus song lyrics from Rich Mullins express the real thoughts ricocheting off the walls of my heart that night:

Well, sometimes my life 

Just don’t make sense at all

When the mountains look so big

And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, cause I’m shaking like a leaf

You have been King of my glory

Won’t You be my Prince of Peace

We often wonder in times like that if we’ll be left shaking like a leaf. Will God actually show up and be our Prince of Peace?

My “death sentence” has taught our family that He will.

He equipped us to peacefully accept His lead, regardless of what was to come. Miraculously, I also escaped with a cancer-free, fully-functioning pancreas.

In all this, I learned that God fulfills His promises.

He has promised us that we never again have to be a slave to fear (Rom 8:15). He promises that if we call upon Him in the day of trouble, He will deliver us (Psalms 50:15).

He only asks that we follow Him and give Him the honor and glory (Psalms 50).

To Him are all the praise, honor and glory…today and forever.

Our family hopes you have a wonderful “New Years” and 2012 is filled with an abundance of joy and peace.

I’ll never forget that night, ten years ago, when a lifelong dream died. We had made our decision, and I was realizing that I would never have the chance to work alongside my oldest son, Clint. We hugged and cried as we both let go of a vision that we had nurtured together from the time Clint was a young boy.

Clint had worked at our company after school since seventh grade. We loved to be together and to work together. But now Clint had finished his freshman year of engineering at Purdue, and he had to make the choice between Civil Engineering in order to come back to our company or Biomedical Engineering with the plan of applying to Med School.

The “Parable of the Talents” rattled around in my heart. Could I be so selfish as to persuade him to come back home when I sensed that his gifts needed a bigger platform? I knew that medicine would provide the opportunity to save lives and honor Christ in the process. I knew I had to let Clint go. I felt like Hannah dropping Samuel off at the temple.

Today, Clint is a Urology resident at IU in Indianapolis. His days involve removing masses from cancer-ridden bodies. So when my recent Cat Scan showed a mass in my Pancreas, he sprang into action like a trained soldier. Within hours he was plotting a strategy with the top surgeons at IU.

It just so happens that IU does more Pancreas surgeries than anywhere else in the country. Because of Clint, I have immediate access to the top Pancreas surgeons in the world. Skilled surgeons and timeliness are keys to beating cancer.

Ten years ago I could have never imagined that a life my son would save could be my own. Or that I would work alongside him after all, as we battle cancer together. Thank you, Clint. I owe you everything.

I am also thankful for my two son-in-laws who have been a key part of getting me in a position to win. Two weeks ago, Luke Schafer (ER Dr.) instructed me to get a Cat Scan for some abdominal pain unrelated to the cancer. Without his wise council, I wouldn’t know that this silent killer was stalking me. And Luke Gutwein (General Surgery resident) has been invaluable in planning our course of action with Clint.

But most of all, I’m grateful to God for keeping His promises.

And let us not be weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.  Galatians 6:9

“You have Pancreatic cancer.”

They were the most devastating words a man could hear. My head dropped. I couldn’t look up. The world stopped.

After conquering heart disease 30 months ago, I now have a new attacker. And this one is far more deadly. Don’t Google it and read the mortality rates, or you’ll have me buried before you finish this post. I had myself buried before I left the doctor’s office Wednesday evening. It seemed hopeless.

It was heartbreaking traveling from house to house that night to tell my kids. We were all crying. My girls were cuddled up with me on the couch, trying to relive a safer time in their dad’s arms.

The kids then followed us back to Lafayette so we could all be together. Our world had changed forever. We were all trying to grasp the reality. We prayed together and agreed that we wouldn’t complain. We wouldn’t fail to trust God. We would still be thankful when all seemed lost.

We hoped we could be.

The next morning I began to call family and friends. Emails came pouring in. The response was stunning. I was surrounded in spirit by those that love me. Grown men were crying and telling me how much I meant to them. Friends were praying with me on the phone. Friends from Atlanta, South Carolina, Virginia, Dallas, Phoenix, and all across the Midwest. They offered to fly and drive in to support me. It was clear that they would do whatever it took to be there for us.

And my spirit began to change. With each expression of “perfect love” from the people in my life, the clouds were nudged further back and the sun’s rays began to poke through. By Friday I sensed hope again. I developed a will to fight. I developed a passion to fight. I developed a resolve to win.

And for the first time, I fully grasped God’s promise that “perfect love casts out all fear.” The “perfect love” of my family and friends had pushed the darkness away. Hope quietly but confidently resurfaced.

I was humbled as I grasped how casual I have been about showing my own affection toward others. I now realize how important it is to daily express to my wife, kids, friends, and others just how important they are to me.

Please, go do that now with the people in your life.

I have a long road ahead of me. The first step is this Tuesday (7:30 AM) when I have surgery to remove the tumor. Please pray that the cancer hasn’t spread. Please pray for my family.

Because of your “perfect love,” I will fight regardless of what happens. I will fight to win this battle. And there is a real chance since we caught the cancer early. There is a chance because I have such remarkable emotional and prayer support. There is a chance because I’m young and healthy. There is a chance because I love you all and you deserve my very best.

We have set up a Caring Bridge web site at caringbridge.org/visit/edbahler if you’d like to stay in touch.