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friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life.
-Thomas Jefferson

The author of the Declaration of Independence obviously saw the value in dependence as well.

Bill gatesBill Gates, another great American icon, also acknowledges his dependence. In his new book, Bill shares how his father, his most trusted friend, intentionally molded that friendship from Bill’s youth up.

In the Gates home, the tradition of Sunday night dinner was a time to connect and explore. Bill would talk to his father about his ideas, successes and struggles. They would discuss what was happening in the community or the world of business, and Bill later said, “I felt equipped as I was dealing with adults to talk to them in a comfortable fashion because my parents had shared how they thought about things.”

So as we celebrate our independence, let’s not forget our dependence. It’s vital that we set aside time to nurture it. Sunday night family meetings worked for us at the Bahler house. We shared our thoughts and feelings about the past and upcoming week and finished up with a prayer. Those meetings gave us some of our most cherished moments.

This Independence Day weekend could be the perfect time to think about our need for dependence and start rebuilding some of those important relationships in our lives.

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You Deserve That

I deserve itAre you as uncomfortable with today’s “YOU DESERVE IT” mentality as I am? Is it my imagination or do most commercials lately end with,

“Get the car…health insurance…body…or credit YOU DESERVE!”

Somehow we think we’re all entitled to an attractive body and an upper middle-class lifestyle regardless of how much work we put in. Where did this entitlement mentality come from?

And it’s been creeping into the church as well. If people aren’t getting the worship, relational or discipleship experience THEY DESERVE then they go down the street to a church where they can. Loyalty isn’t what it once was.

Yet Christ taught us that if we are to be great in God’s Kingdom, we must become the servant of all. There’s no entitlement there.

Thankfully, there’s a growing sense today that we need to get back to that servant mentality. Could that be why missional ministries and the “movement” mentality are resonating with so many?

Is this “you deserve it” attitude frustrating you as well?

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One of the most arduous experiences for my wife and I was naming our six kids. We struggled for months to find the perfect name to reflect our family’s hopes and dreams. But recent research suggests that something else may be at play.

Two university researchers analyzed the popularity of thousands of baby names over the past 100 years in the US and France. What they found was the names that gained popularity slowly (like Charlene) maintained that popularity over 55 years. Names that sky-rocketed to popularity (like Tricia) were gone in less than 12.

namepopularity

What is there to learn here?

Our struggle naming the kids may not have been about finding the perfect name, but instead about a desire for one that was unique. The research suggests that none of us want to follow the herd. When the crowds run to a hip new name or ministry program, those that follow tend to look elsewhere. And for a church, that can kill long-term Kingdom impact.

Don’t look for the quick fix or copy the “in” trends for your church or family. Instead, build your identity and strategy on enduring, biblical values that have stood the test of time. That’s how great families and ministries are built (and in hindsight, that goes for great names too.)

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mission trip 2We were wrong! We believed young people would be turned off by the boomer generation mega church. We thought small churches and incarnational coffee shop gatherings would provide the soul conversations and authentic relationships they longed for.

However, a recent study by Warren Bird at Leadership Network and Scott Thumma at the Hartford Institute reveals that:

  • 66% of mega church attenders are younger than 45 versus 33% for other protestant churches
  • The average age for mega church attenders is 40 versus 53 for other protestant churches
  • 18% of mega church attenders are under  24 versus 5% for other protestant churches

The startling fact is that mega churches appear to be magnets for the younger, well educated crowd while smaller protestant churches attract the boomer crowd and their parents.

But why? What about those soul conversations and authentic relationships?

We know a church prospers best when we are sacrificing for a common purpose together. And we also know that shared sacrifice nurtures spiritual growth. Young people are drawn to purposeful relationships and spiritual growth, and mega churches are leveraging their people, financial resources, voice in the community, and leadership skills to make those activities happen.

Any church can mobilize their people and create remarkable bonding and spiritual growth opportunities. However, it appears that mega churches are learning to leverage their resources better than most.

Does that surprise you like it does me?

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Lessons From Neda

neda2Iran and the Middle East may never be the same. The street riots and haunting pictures of Neda, the woman shot unlawfully during a political protest in Iran, have eroded the Muslim clerics influence. All they have left is callous power typified by their recent threats to make examples of the jailed protesters. Didn’t Gandhi show us that type of power isn’t sustainable?

Leadership is about influence and willing followers. Influence is an outcome of trust and trust is a result of a leader’s commitment to be:

  • Concerned about your concerns
  • Competent to act on those concerns
  • Sincere and selfless in their motives

Pres. Ahmadinejad’s careless threats have resulted in an isolated Iran and a slumping economy. The under 30 crowd (1/3 of Iran) have different concerns molded by Youtube, Facebook, and Twitter.  Ahmadinejad hasn’t connected well with these concerns and hasn’t demonstrated a competence to act. Now the Neda incident has raised serious doubt about his and the Muslim cleric’s sincerity. They may never recover the 30 years of influence they’ve enjoyed.

Over those same 30 years, we’ve experienced our own erosion in America…an erosion of Christian influence. All the traditional denominations are struggling to connect with the Digital Age concerns of our youth. We’ve lacked the competence to effectively connect biblical insight and answers to these unfamiliar concerns.  And as cultural influence has waned, we’ve organized political influence (think religious right) or simply avoided the serious questions about our selflessness and sincerity.

Is there a sobering parallel here or is my imagination out of control?

What is there to learn? How can we recover our influence?

1 John 4:7-8

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together 2Back in 1969, I doubt John Lennon had Christianity in mind when he recorded “Come Together.” But 40 years later that is what’s happening within Christian circles.

We’re coming together around a commitment to serve versus defend and compete. More and more of us are grasping that survival of Christianity in the Western world may very well depend on it.

Thriving local churches are bringing together their “innovative members” (who pull them forward) with their “anchoring members” (who keep them grounded).

Change too fast- lose your biblical moorings, identity and defining values.

Change too slow – lose your ability to connect with an evolving generation.

Todd Wilson (Exponential Church Planting Network) shared with me recently that the house church/incarnational movement is coming together with the mega church movement. House churches, which now represent 10% of practicing Christians in the US (Barna), do a great job with:

  • Passionate worship
  • Soul conversations
  • Authentic, covenant relationships

While mega churches are known for their:

  • Gifted preaching
  • Organized teaching
  • Voice in the community
  • Financial resources

Christianity has more than a fighting chance if we “come together” and leverage all our gifts to fully serve the community.

In “Come Together” Lennon sings, “One and one and one is three.” But if we could come together in the spirit, could one and one and one become four, six, or maybe ten?

What do you think?

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loyaltyNine out of ten businesses will tell you that their revenue is off 20-40% from last year. And who could have imagined the government becoming the majority shareholder of GM, Chrysler, and a myriad of banks? It really is the broadest and deepest downturn in 60 years.

Yet a March 2009 survey of 1,168 churches by Your Church magazine discovered that:

  • 33% of churches have been blessed with giving that equals last year (+/- 2%)
  • 3 times more churches report an increase in giving (2-5%) versus a decrease
  • 65% of churches feel no effect at all from the economy

Business would die for that kind of loyalty these days!

What do you make of this remarkable commitment in light of the recent reports that the church is losing its relevance in America?

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marketingIt’s not about chasing the latest new thing. It’s about interpreting what that new thing means to your community or church.

Trends are indicators that point to what’s going on in people’s hearts and minds. It’s important to observe them, but far more so to translate that trend information into ideas that build trust and increase our impact. The Apostle Paul did just that on Mars Hill (Acts 17) by learning about their unknown gods and quoting their poets. As a result, he led many Greeks to Christ.

But we can focus too much on trends and miss those things that are always in style. The French philosopher Simone Weil said, “To be always relevant you have to say things that are eternal.” Ultimate relevance is about the things that last – eternal truths with a capital T.

As Phil Cooke says in his book Branding Faith:

“To be truly relevant, we must stop trying so hard to be relevant.”

Another one of those “both/and” issues it seems.

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We Give Or We Take

balanceIn every encounter we either give life or we drain it. There is no neutral exchange.

-B. Manning

It doesn’t matter if the encounter is a passing hello, an email, time around the dinner table or an 8-hour business meeting.  We’re either giving or taking from the people around us.

Are we giving today?

I give you a new commandment: Love one another as I have loved you. John 13:34

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DavidIn the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.     2 Samuel 11

King David, the warrior of warriors, decided to sit this battle out and chill at home. It was a fateful decision that led to adultery, murder and the beginning of a painful end for this remarkable man after God’s own heart.

In his book Wild At Heart, John Eldridge writes that healthy men need:

  • a battle to fight
  • an adventure to live

Without both, we become purposeless, self focused and vulnerable. Even David, the example of walking  intimately with God, fell when he disengaged from the battle and the adventure he was called to. If even he stumbled, how much more at risk are we?

It’s time to engage our homes and churches in Christ-centered movements, battles and adventures. David’s casual walk on the roof that night is a powerful lesson of what’s at stake.

What are you doing to engage your family or church in a movement with daring battles and adventure for the cause of Christ?

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I Am My Own Yoda

Yoda-ep2May the force be with you.

I was raised in a caring, Christ-centered home and didn’t connect with the Star War craze. Thirty years ago, most people still trusted the church for insight regarding the “force” in their life.  Not any more.

Today 71% of adults develop their own set of religious beliefs rather than accept the teachings of a particular church. That is also the response of 82% (yes 82%) of those under age 25 and 61% of born-again adults.

“Faith has become more viral than pedagogical (instructional),” said researcher George Barna. “More people now serve as their own theologian-in-residence.”

Barna’s research is another reminder that the Google era is a far more challenging time to raise children and inspire faith. Neither charisma or control will get us there.

Young people today are looking for soul conversations and authentic relationships. That is what builds the deep trust necessary to confront the false viral influences and connect with today’s independent attitudes.

What fresh approaches are you pursuing as a parent or a ministry.  Are you provoking soul conversations and fostering authentic relationships?

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skinny-jeans-noYour message should be timeless and not trendy. Sure, trendy is catchy. Trendy is noticeable. But trendy is not remarkable.

That’s an important challenge from church communication consultant Anne Jackson. Churches that engage people and inspire hope must have a compelling message. Without it, we’ll never capture mental space in the minds of our audience. The competition in this Google age is simply too fierce.

Here are some other great thoughts from Anne:

Building a message takes time. It takes repetition of simple communication. It takes being able to handle criticism and even change the course if it’s not the right one. It takes flexibility. It takes commitment.

Having a message spread wide and having your message resonate deeply are two very different things. They are not mutually exclusive, but more often than not, we settle for a season of brief popularity.

If your message is as important as you think it is, take the time and expend the energy to make it stick…to allow it to embed in people’s hearts. When others are influenced as much as you have been, your message will continue to spread both deep and wide in a meaningful way.

Who’s captured some of your mental space with a great message and how did they do it?

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dirty dishes

Even though it was a joy, it took some serious grace to make it through last week. Annette and I, our 6 kids, 4 in-laws, 5 grand kids and 1 nanny made the annual pilgrimage to Hilton Head Island. You wouldn’t believe how much food, laundry and dishes 18 people can go through in a day. Yep, even my heart healthy food vanished without notice.

I knew it was worth it, but I didn’t see just how life-changing these family trips can be until I read through this one-of-a-kind research study: 

In the late 1930s, a group of 268 promising young men, including John F. Kennedy, entered Harvard College. They were bright, polished, affluent and ambitious and had been selected as the most well adjusted for a 70 year study of “the pursuit of happiness.”

Their lives played out in ways that would defy any imagination. A third of the men would suffer at least one bout of mental illness. Alcoholism would be a running plague. The most mundane personalities often produced the most solid success. The results from the study are captured in an essay called “What Makes Us Happy?”

However, the key lesson:

Happiness isn’t about me!

Here are a few key insights to guide our lives…and vacation objectives:

  • anns Boys legs93% of the men thriving at age 65 had been close to a brother or a sister.
  • The quality of their relationships at 47 correlated with the quality of life in their later years.
  • It was the power of relationships, not intellectual brilliance or parental social class, that led to happiness and successful aging.

The study suggests that a fulfilling life is about work, play and loving others…but love is most important. Didn’t the apostle Paul say something similar in I Cor 13?

I’m finally getting it now that I’m back home. Piles of sandy flip flops and counters stacked with dishes may be good indicators that we’re on the right track for healthy kids (and parents).

Is there a powerful lesson and opportunity here for the church as well?

I John 4:7-8

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GM“Are you continually renewing your effectiveness, or are you dangerously on the cusp of falling from great to good (and to irrelevance)?”

History shows, repeatedly, that the mighty can fall. Athens fell. Rome fell. Some are now asking if that’s the U.S.’s fate? And it makes you wonder now that GM and so many other companies are falling.

And closer to home, could our own church be failing? How would you know?

When you are at the top of your game your very success might cover up the fact that you’re already on the path of decline. That question—how would you know?—captured Jim Collin’s imagination. It was the inspiration for his latest book “How The Mighty Fall” where Jim ponders this “how would you know” question.

Collin’s pored through his 6000 years of organizational behavior research to discover these 5 distinct stages of decline that precede the fall of any organization:

  1. Hubris born of success - Success often breads arrogance causing us to lose sight of  our success factors. We selfishly take credit for our success and soon wake up and discover our vulnerabilities too late.
  2. Undisciplined pursuit of more – More scale, more growth, more acclaim, more of what we believe defines success. We then grow too fast to staff the team with the right people.
  3. Denial of risk and peril – We then discount negative news, amplify positive data, and put a positive spin on ambiguous data. We lose our ability for vigorous, fact based, dialogue. 
  4. Grasping for salvation – As we recognize our impending peril, we look for saviors like charismatic leaders, bold untested strategies, and any number of silver bullet solutions when what we needs is a calm, clear headed, focused approach.
  5. Capitulation to irrelevance or death – We’re now focused on survival versus building an enterprise that makes such an impact on our community it would leave a gaping hole. We must retain this deep faith we can prevail, not for simple survival, but for this compelling cause.

The 5 stages read like the book of Proverbs in many ways. And, whether we’re at the top of our game or not they beg this question ;

Could we be blind to decline in our own church, organization, or family?

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iwo jimaHere’s a long but powerful story that forever changes my perceptions of the battle of Iwo Jima and the boys who fought it. It may yours as well. Its a videographer’s account that vividly captures the kind of story Memorial Day was set aside to remind us of.

“Each year I am hired to video a class trip to Washington, DC, with the eighth grade class from Wisconsin where I grew up. On the last night of our trip, we stopped at the Iwo Jima memorial. This memorial is the largest bronze statue in the world and depicts one of the most famous photographs in history — that of the six brave soldiers raising the American Flag at the top of a rocky hill on the island of Iwo Jima, Japan, during WW II.

Over one hundred students and chaperones piled off the buses and headed towards the memorial. I noticed a solitary figure at the base of the statue, and as I got closer he asked, “Where are you guys from?” I told him that we were from Wisconsin. “Hey, I’m a cheese head, too! Come gather around Cheese heads, and I will tell you a story.”

My name is James Bradley and I’m from Antigo, Wisconsin. My dad is on that statue, and I just wrote a book called ‘Flags of Our Fathers‘ which is #5 on the New York Times Best Seller list right now. It is the story of the six boys you see behind me.

Six boys raised the flag. The first guy putting the pole in the ground is Harlon Block. Harlon was an all-state football player. He enlisted in the Marine Corps with all the senior members of his football team. They were off to play another type of game. A game called ‘War.’ But it didn’t turn out to be a game. Harlon, at the age of 21, died with his intestines in his hands. I don’t say that to gross you out, It’s just that you guys need to know that most of the boys in Iwo Jima were 17, 18, and 19 years old – and it was so hard that the ones who did make it home never even would talk to their families about it.

You see this next guy? That’s Rene Gagnon from New Hampshire. If you took Rene’s helmet off at the moment this photo was taken and looked in the webbing of that helmet, you would find a photograph of his girlfriend. Rene put that in there for protection because he was scared. It was just boys who won the battle of Iwo Jima…boys, not old men.

The next guy here was Sergeant Mike Strank. Mike is my hero. He was the hero of all these guys. They called him the “old man” because he was already 24. When Mike would motivate his boys in training camp, he didn’t say, ‘Let’s go kill some Japanese’ or ‘let’s die for our country.’ He knew he was talking to boys. Instead he would say, ‘You do what I say, and I’ll get you home to your mothers.’

The last guy on this side of the statue is Ira Hayes, a Pima Indian from Arizona. Ira Hayes was one who walked off Iwo Jima . He went into the White House with my dad. President Truman told him, ‘You’re a hero’ He told reporters, ‘How can I feel like a hero when 250 of my buddies hit the island with me and only 27 of us walked off alive?’ He had images of horror in his mind. Ira Hayes carried the pain home with him and eventually died dead drunk, face down at the age of 32.

The next guy, going around the statue, is Franklin Sousley from Hilltop, KY, a fun-lovin hillbilly boy. His best friend, who is now 70, told me, ‘Yeah, you know, we took two cows up on the porch of the Hilltop General Store. Then we strung wire across the stairs so the cows couldn’t get down. Then we fed them Epsom salts. Those cows crapped all night.’ Yes, he was a fun-lovin’ hillbilly boy. Franklin died on Iwo Jima at the age of 19. When the telegram came to tell his mother that he was dead, it went to the Hilltop General Store. A barefoot boy ran that telegram up to his mother’s farm. The neighbors could hear her scream all night and into the morning. Those neighbors lived a quarter of a mile away.

The next guy, as we continue to go around the statue, is my dad, John Bradley, from Antigo, Wisconsin, where I was raised. My dad lived until 1994, but he would never give interviews. When Walter Cronkite’s producers or the New York Times would call, we were trained as little kids to say ‘No, I’m sorry, sir, my dad’s not here. Usually, he was sitting there right at the table eating his Campbell’s soup. He didn’t want to talk to the press.

You see, like Ira Hayes, my dad didn’t see himself as a hero. Everyone thinks these guys are heroes, ’cause they are in a photo and on a monument. My dad knew better. He was a medic. John Bradley from Wisconsin was a caregiver. In Iwo Jima he probably held over 200 boys as they died. And when boys died in Iwo Jima, they writhed and screamed, without any medication or help with the pain.

When I was a little boy, my third grade teacher told me that my dad was a hero. When I went home and told my dad that, he looked at me and said, ‘I want you always to remember that the heroes of Iwo Jima are the guys who did not come back…did NOT come back.’

So that’s the story about six nice young boys. Three died on Iwo Jima, and three came back as national heroes. Overall, 7,000 boys died on Iwo Jima in the worst battle in the history of the Marine Corps. My voice is giving out, so I will end here. Thank you for your time.

Suddenly, the monument wasn’t just a big old piece of metal with a flag sticking out of the top. It came to life before our eyes with the heartfelt words of a son who did indeed have a father who was a hero. Maybe not a hero for the reasons most people would believe, but a hero nonetheless.

One thing I learned while on tour with my 8th grade students in DC that is not mentioned here is that if you look at the statue very closely and count the number of ‘hands’ raising the flag, there are 13. When the man who made the statue was asked why there were 13, he simply said the 13th hand was the hand of God.

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