You could cut the tension with a knife. Back in the early 90’s we’d grown our company beyond our management ability. It had become complicated, unworkable, and painful. You know what I mean. The “I don’t want to go to work anymore” kind of painful.
When things aren’t working well people start blaming others. We were all venting our anger at each other. Those were sad days…especially when our anger was aimed at our brothers. It was then that my older brother quietly said, “If we don’t love people, we can’t be leaders.” And of course without our leadership there was no way out of our pain.
As I think back, the concepts we have been discussing now would have been so helpful. Since July 2nd we’ve pondered these Simple Church
concepts of
- clarity
- momentum
- alignment
- and focus
Last week I introduced this pyramid about “Building Relationships For Effective Action”. Effective action in the language of the book, Simple Church, is the “momentum” and “alignment” from the above list.
To build relationships, we need to start at the bottom of the pyramid with “Feel Appreciation”. One of the most wonderful examples of making others feel appreciation may have been demonstrated in this simple exchange between an uncle and his nephew:
” If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”
That statement may have cost the uncle millions. The nephew chose the better ground and left the poor, dry land for his uncle…a critical distinction when your survival depends on large grazing herds. But it didn’t matter.
This wise uncle, Abraham, understood building relationships. He “appreciated” others (in this case his nephew Lot) even if they didn’t deserve it. In Luke we read:
“He that is faithful in that which is least, is faithful in much.”
So was it just random chance that God prospered Abraham’s offspring as the sand of the sea?
My older brother Barry was so right. If we can’t make others “feel appreciation”-or in other words, if we can’t love-we will never build relationships. And without relationships we can’t lead…or get our life and our church simple again.
I wonder where Joseph learned to ensure that others felt appreciated? (He blew it at first with his brothers of course.) Was it in that pit, as a slave to Potiphar, or sitting in jail…?
Corinthians 13-Love doesn’t seek it’s own
Ed,
Way to quote Jesus! Real love is it. All of it. Love for God and love for our neighbor. We can never make anyone feel appreciation unless we truly appreciate them. We can’t manufacture apppreciation and conversely, the real thing can’t be covered up. It’s the result of being born again, and the evidence of salvation.
1 John 3:14
We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.
I’m constantly trying to remember to see people as God must see them…it helps me readjust my attitude. I’m stuck in that notorious sandwich generation stage of life: alzheimer’s mother and teenage daughters with all their attendant drama. It’s hard to find enough in me to love even those closest to me, let alone the community.
What I appreciate about your pyramid, though, is the step by step nature of showing love and building relationships. I don’t always have the time to stop and really dig into someone’s life, but I certainly always have the time to shop my appreciation to them in some way. “Thank you, my coffee is great.” Not hard.
Good words and good reminder.