In a recent Rev Magazine article entitled, “Why 1,500 Pastors Leave The Church Every Month,” Ralph Earl and Ken Wells explore the root causes of this shocking statistic:
Unfortunately, I hadn’t read the article yet before a recent lunch with a respected pastor and author. If I had, I would have been better prepared for his story. He told me about the moral failure of their senior leader and how badly this had shaken the church and opened the flood gates of doubt, fear, and discontent.
The church’s reaction escalated into a crisis and a required downsizing of staff. The pain in his eyes reflected the heart-ache of dismissing dear friends. In a moment of humble introspection, he spoke of how this failure revealed the truth that their enthusiastic growth had been built on an inadequate foundation.
So, what do we do when we fail? How do we work through the trauma in our own hearts? In the same magazine, Mark Batterson, pastor of National Community church in Washington DC, shares:
“Failure handled improperly can be devastating, but failure handled properly is the best thing that can happen to us. Sometimes human plans fail so God’s plans can succeed. However, failure can become a cage preventing us from pursuing the passions God has placed in our hearts.”
Here are three steps from Earl and Wells to get us out of that cage:
- Cocoon yourself and scrub the wound - It’s important to scrub an emotional wound to prevent the infection of bitterness and helplessness. You may need professional help to ensure you stay present, in the moment, with your feelings of hurt and despair and allow them to speak their message.
- Accept things as they are - It’s been said that the gap between accepting things the way they are and wishing things to be otherwise is the 1/10th - inch difference between heaven and hell. If you can accept whatever you’ve been dealt, the way to proceed will become clear.
- Refocus your vision - When facing adversity without focus, we tend to let go of what we need to hold onto and hold onto what we need to let go. First, let go of someone’s negative statement or a picture of failure and shame. Second, hold onto the power of God in your life and the belief that you will always be divinely guided. Desired results are the product of sustained expectations. When you’re vulnerable to doubt, it’s essential you don’t let others define who you are! In I Corinthians the apostle Paul shares three key attributes…Faith, Hope, and Love. Great results always begin with Faith and Hope.
As I ponder their advice, I’m provoked by the power of Faith and Hope as well as my responsibility to inspire it in others. Do their thoughts provoke you in some way?
I honestly can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard something like this from a friend still in or having left church work: “I had to get out of church work so I could get a chance to do ministry with people.”
And I can remember not being a Christian during the time when Michael English’s affair hit the news and I thought, “who will care for him” - - then I watched how the church treated him.
Recently, I had someone tell me about how their children, raised in the church, were away from the church and God. I nearly shouted at them, “Hold on there, wait just a second, don’t lump God in with that so quickly. His Grace is sufficient, whereas, the church sometimes doesn’t even offer it. So don’t assume that because someone is away from the church that they are also away from God.”
This and other conversations lately, run much deeper, yet continue to have this theme. To put a positive turn on this post - yeah, I think in many areas the church is improving, but at what pace?
Amen Bartender! Being away from “church” does not mean one is away from God — in fact, most times the exact opposite is true.
“Accepting things as they are” — aren’t most of the things we’re dealt the result of our own decisions and circumstances - whether they’re good or bad. Why do we fight so hard against it - accept it and move on. No excuses.
“When you’re vulnerable to doubt, it’s essential you don’t let others define who you are!” It’s so hard to define ourselves when the world tries to do it for us. It’s like your great-grandmother said, Ed, we’re defined by the things we do and say.
Hey Bartender,
Come on…tell us how do you really feel?
It’s tough for any organization that grows quickly to lose its focus and get caught up in administration. It takes great leadership to keep the focus on a few key priorities. That may be a part of the struggle you and others are frustrated about.
But I sense the real issue is far deeper. It may be about how we see God and believe He works in the heart of all of us. Your comments are provoking thoughts I’ll post about soon. Thanks Michael.
Ruth,
Thanks for jumping in here.
There was a day church and God were connected of course. It’s interesting to ponder just how the perception, or reality, of a division came about. We’ll explore it further here soon.
Regarding owning our issues…
Why do we fight so hard against owning our issues? It’s fear isn’t it…fear of rejection…fear of being alone if we are losers. What might the verse “perfect love casts out all fear” suggest? Maybe we lack the kind of perfect love for God that provides the deep rooted security necessary to own our failures without fear. Maybe we lack the perfect love for others that makes it OK if they reject us. OK because a love for others would make it about others…not about ourselves anyway, right? What do you think?
Regarding who defines us…
Is it hard to define ourselves because of the world? Or, is it hard because we are not believing in God’s love for us and have a clear identity in who’s we are? If we had a clear faith and resulting identity in who’s we were (and the hope that goes with such an identity) could the world opinion affect us at all?
It reminds me of the saying, “If we don’t know where we are going any road gets us there.” If we don’t know who’s we are any identity can easily stick to us. This seems to tie to my grandmothers thoughts in that our actions do in the end define us. But our actions are a result of what’s in our heart. Proverbs teaches, “Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life”. And I think of the verse, “Out of the abundance of the heart our mouths speak”. The root to our identity is the perceptions of our own heart not the perceptions of the world’s view of us. If the “world” has preeminence in our heart then it define us. If we are pilgrims here, a very different definition surfaces quite naturally it seems. We fool no one. Our eyes and actions are a window to our heart.
I hope I’m making some sense? I’d appreciate your thoughts.
Ed
My comments were around “why guys are getting burned out and /or leaving ‘church work’ every month - - - not the other post about fast growth.”
Michael,
Yea, I’m with you. I was editorializing a bit in response to your comment about your friends having to get out of the church to do real Kingdom work. I’ve heard many stories about staff getting hunkered down in admin stuff versus ministry stuff.
I was tracking the deeper point of your comment about God and church etc.
Thanks brother!
I gotchya. Wow, do these conversations keep surrounding me. I ran into another two couples at my church this morning that recently left ‘church jobs’ and say they are now ‘happier and more free than ever’.
Okay - before some reading of this blog freaks out on me, no, I am not saying that ministry never happens at, in, or through a church or church staff member - - let’s just decide now to move beyond that.
Staff are leaving at an alarming and unhealthy rate for the local church. I hear guys stand up and say that the ‘local church’ is the last great hope for America - - - and I know some of the staff and ex-staff from some of those churches. I’m just saying……………we need to start having converastions, dialogues, two-way street kind of stuff.
I think this blog and the various generations, genders, and gurus that are reading and gettin’ their blog on are a good start……..