Last Saturday a sobbing, middle aged lady showed up at our door. She was frightened, cold, and painfully hunched over a cane she had used to hobble the three hundred yards to our home. In the four years I’ve lived here we’d never met.
Once we got her warmed up she regained her composure and shared how she had fallen, aggravated a painful back injury, and was lonely and afraid in her home. She couldn’t get ahold of her husband and had nowhere else to turn…no familiar neighbors, no kids, and no friends.
She was bright and held multiple degrees, including a doctorate. She was tough enough to hold the rank of Colonel in the US Army and had traveled the world, risking her life as a security expert. But loneliness was too much and had almost broken her.
Bottles of germ killer are everywhere these days to protect us from H1N1. But loneliness is our unseen epidemic, inflicting far more damage. It erodes our ability to handle stress and in turn maintain important relationships and productive lives.
With 17% of Americans moving each year in today’s global world, we rarely have grandparents and cousins living close by. Add to that the internet and our hundreds of TV channels that have us holed up like refugees and we rarely connect deeply with others around the “town square” as we once did. We walk alone.
This further explains, as I mentioned last week, why adults are now the biggest group of users on social networks like Facebook and Twitter, even though our kids pioneered both. We seem to be longing again for those social connections that provide identity and security.
The church should help people simplify their lives so they can rebuild those connections. What’s working for you?
Unfortunately, I sometimes find that my social networking can leave me not engaging in the real people living life right behind my back as I stare at a computer screen. God has convicted me to look for real, breathing relationships first and then enjoy those other relationships afterwards. I know that as a Mom of three (soon 4), its easy to say I need my adult time and use it as my excuse but God has gently nudged me with the reminder to turn and really look at my children. These are real relationships that will be forever as I nurture them so that someday I am not lonely and looking around saying, What happened? Where did the time go? Who are my “real” relationships now?
…so, the challenge is to keep things in the right order…and still enjoy a stop by your blog when I have the time
thanks for always provoking my thinking Ed.
-Rebekah
Ed,
I read this blog and the one on significance this morning and have been thinking about it all day. I have some random thoughts that probably relate to both blogs…
Simplifying life is hard!!! Especially because it almost always involves giving something up, or re-prioritizing goals. But you asked what’s working…so here’s what’s working for me.
I will start by saying that I have always kept close connections/relationships with my family and my closest friends, but finding connection in a spiritual community has been a little harder for me. I am so excited that I can say that I feel more connected now with the spiritual community at my church than I ever have before. I really look forward to going to church each Sunday, and I miss the worship and community if there is a Sunday that I am not there.
I think that 2 main things contributed to this…..
1. Community is at the heart of my church’s mission. You would have to TRY to not get involved or plugged in at our church. Being newly married I am so thankful that our church has a mentor program for newlyweds, and that we have a mentor couple to “walk with us” our first year of being married.
2. After my husband I got engaged, we DECIDED to make it a priority to not just go to church on Sunday morning, but to go deeper than that…to get more involved and foster more meaningful relationships. We began to ask the question “What does it look like to have a Christ-centered marriage? A Christ-centered family?” Through our pre-marital counseling at church we really were convicted of how important it is to have that connection with other believers. Plugging into a Community Group (bible study/small group), Sunday school, the mentorship, as well as various volunteer opportunities has really been encouraging for us.
These are the things that have helped me to “rebuild connections” and combat the loneliness and lack of purpose and signifcance that is so prevalent in our culture.
Now…..how does all the virtual social network stuff fit in here…hmmmm
Throw Bek’s and An’s comments together and we may have something.
I think Bek is hitting on the deeper issue here when she pondered if this social network craze isn’t a very 2nd rate substitute for real relationships. Building deep relationships requires time, vulnerability, and growth. And, few of us are comfortable going there. Social network relationships rarely require growth.
As An mentioned an effective mentor program requires vulnerability and growth. My neighbor stumbling over to our house made her remarkably vulnerable…and you could tell she didn’t like it. If she were to come back eventually we’d get to talking about why she’s where she is and that would require change.
But without vulnerability and growth we’re all just talking heads with no skin in the game or heart in the matter.
And we walk alone.
Ed
It dawned on my this weekend as we had breakfast at one of our small town local diners that small town life exemplifies what relationships really are. They aren’t electronic….these are people who have known each other a long time. They may not see each other often, but they always take the time to stop and talk when they do and it is like a good old friendship that never skipped a beat. These are the same people who would give you the shirt off their back if you needed it. They are a group because of where they live, the connection they have through that history and heritage, and because they have a trust for each other. I sit back and watch this history my husband has with all these people and wonder how many true friends I really have who would come to my call if I needed them.
Lynn,
In many ways our quality of life could be measured by how many people would come to our call if we needed them. Of course, that is determined in many ways by how much we have given of ourselves to help others (them).
I’m often reminded of that verse in Proverbs where it shares ” the blessings of a father are passed to the 3rd and 4th generations.” What you may be observing in that small town is trust and commitment built through 40-80-120 years of sacrificing for each other. That trust is transferred to each new generation.
Even though I left four years ago I still benefit from that kind of trust back in my home town of Remington. It is rooted in the selfless lives of my great grandfather, grandfather, and dad going back to the late 1800′s. It’s real, earthy, and deeply rooted.
And you’re right, Twitter’s a cheap imitation.
Ed